Feministing blogger Maya summarizes Terri Conley's debunking of six common gender-essentialist myths. Follow the links to read the rest. The last two myths really stood out for me.
5) Men like casual sex more than women do
This is one of the most persistent myths out there. But the researchers say that women’s reluctance to accept an offer of casual sex is mostly because they’re not convinced the guy will be good in bed (see #4) and are afraid of being slut-shamed. If you account for these two barriers, the gender difference disappears.
6) Women are pickier than men
Everyone tends to be choosier when they’re approached by a potential partner, and less choosy when they’re doing the approaching. So it’s our lingering expectation that men do the asking and women the accepting–not some evolutionary bullshit about spreading seeds–that keeps this myth alive.
Source: Feministing
The factors affecting #5 seem to be the crux of the matter for a lot of the other discrepancies. The higher the likelihood that sex will be personally disappointing (not just non-orgasmic but downright bad) the more “reasons” you’re probably going to need to do it anyway regardless of gender.
Meanwhile, to the extent “slut shaming” imposes external costs above and beyond personal enjoyment (or, conversely, to the extent that “stud-congratulating” imposes external benefits beyond actual enjoyment) you’d expect to see those being shamed limiting their activities.
If you include in “slut shaming” awkward little historical tendencies like “honor killings” and “stone her if she’s not a virgin on her wedding night,” plus psychiatric treatment for “nymphomania” if she wants sex more than her long-term partner, and approximately 0% interest from authorities if you’re sexually assaulted then we’re not just talking about a little name calling being an inhibiting factor. You don’t need special “genes” to explain that — just the plain old ordinary genes for self-preservation.
I'm perfectly comfortable with the notion of behavior-linked genes shaped by self-preservation in social situations. I just generally have a tough time with selected-for behavior that has to have evolved to handle a wide variety of fairly subtle and often ephemeral gendered situations.